


I've always been alone

by DaniseNowak



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniseNowak/pseuds/DaniseNowak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I always used to think why I was alive. But that was until that bastard showed me who I really was. Dammit, he always saw more in me than I deserve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just kicking a ball

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first story. It's pretty sad taking into account why I was inspired to write it in the first place. If I have any grammatical, spelling or vocabulary mistake, I apologize. English is not my mother tongue, but I prefer to write in foreign languages. Even so, please tell me of these mistakes for future references.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

The ball flew through the field with the perfect amount of force and speed, landing at the feet of my teammate. I stopped, waiting for him to shoot with all his might at the goal. When he did it and the ball entered the goal perfectly, I let out the breath I had been holding. There was a loud whistle from the referee signalling the end of the game. All of my teammates ran, smashing against the poor guy that made the last goal. They were laughing and screaming about the achieved victory.

I just watched.

I was never one of those guys that liked to hug or be hugged. I preferred having my personal space, which was obvious for others to see. That's why no one approached me at the end of the game. Well, that and the fact that I wasn't the one who had scored.  
I sighed and started walking through the field until I reached the benches where the coach was. He put one of his big hands on my left shoulder and squeezed it. I looked at him without saying a thing waiting for the usual words.

"You could have scored, Lovino."

"I know."

"And why didn't you?"

I looked over my shoulder and saw all my teammates. The guy who had scored was laughing and his eyes sparkled with happiness. He was a new member of the team and because of that he hadn't expected to play in the first game after he entered. So, when the coach called him, he was extremely nervous and I had seen it. When I gave him the ball, I was expecting him to at least try to score because, in order to achieve a place on the team, you had to do something amazing. It was either that or remain in the shadows for eternity.

"I didn't want to." I replied shoving the coach’s hand off my shoulder.

He just smiled that stupid smile he always gave me, as if he could see through me, and shook his head. I ignored him and continued walking. The game took place on the school grounds, so I was able take a shower before going home. As I expected, the showers were empty. The others were still celebrating outside and wouldn't come in until fifteen minutes later. Which meant that I had only fifteen minutes to shower and change.

"Dammit," I murmured when the cold water of the shower touched my skin, "stupid water." 

However, I liked the cold feeling after an exhausting game. It was refreshing. Then I felt the water reaching my arms and I looked at them. The guilt was almost instantaneous. Two tiny cuts adorned my left wrist. They were barely healed and the skin was still red around the clean wounds. I had made them in a moment of desperation. Since that moment guilt had been chasing me and I was scared. I was scared of the feeling, not unwanted as I had thought, I had when I sliced my wrist.

I turned off the shower and got dressed. When I was preparing my things to leave when the showers started to get full of sweaty football players.

"Oh, Vargas is leaving." One of them said with a malicious tone. Marcus he was called, if I remembered the name correctly.

"No time to celebrate, Vargas?"

"Why would I celebrate with you?" I said looking to the one who had talked. It was the same group that always seemed to have fun harassing me.

"Always too cocky, Vargas." Marcus said taking one step towards me. I didn't move. I had learnt that those bastards were worse if I attempted to resist.

He took another step and placed one hand on my right shoulder. I trembled involuntarily at the touch.

"Let go, bastard." I murmured, but Marcus only smiled whilst holding tighter.

"Aren't we your teammates? Or are we not enough to be with the all mighty super football player Lovino Vargas?" Marcus's friends laughed at his words, but I could feel all the glares they were giving me.

"You are just jealous because you losers can't even score when there are no defenses."

I regretted my words immediately. My stupid mouth and I could win the contest of the most stupid couple. Every time I was cornered, I tended to open my mouth and say nothing but rude nonsense, therefore, my words were the ones that usually brought me trouble.

"What?" Exclaimed an infuriated Marcus.

Well, if I had already started this game, why not end it?

"What I said, asshole." I tried to cover my nervousness with a cocky smile.

"You bastard…."

"Guys, shouldn't we be celebrating? I mean, why let Vargas destroy the mood?"

A voice interrupted Marcus's wrath causing him to turn around towards the owner. It was the same guy I had passed the ball for the final goal. He was just standing there innocently with his arms crossed and a smile on his lips. His blue eyes were looking directly at Marcus.

"Yeah, we shouldn’t let him."

Marcus dropped me slowly and turned to the new guy.

"You are right, Alfred."

They retired to the showers some cursing me under their breath and some sending me glares. Alfred stayed there in the same spot.

"Hey bro, are you okay? They are always ready to fight, isn’t it?"

I frowned. That boy was an idiot and his voice was full of a sick cheerful tone that I disliked immediately.

"Whatever." I said passing him.

"Well, hmmm, good game!” He shouted to my retreating back. 

"Shut up."

The last thing I heard from him before closing the door was a low chuckle. I cursed him and his cheerfulness again while walking down the sidewalk. 

My house was a little bit far from the school, so I had to take a bus and walk another two blocks to arrive, but the trip was always relaxing. It was a moment where I could think all by myself, without distractions or annoying people. A moment where I could think about how I was a disgrace for not being social enough and escaping my teammates.

I was sitting at the back of the bus watching the houses, the lamps, and the lights pass. The all mighty super football player. Marcus's words were still dancing in my head. I never intended to be seen like that. I just wanted to play for the little time I had. I just wanted to enjoy while I could.

The bus stopped and I got off quickly. The sky was completely dark by now. It was late and he was not going to be happy. Even so, I didn't speed up whilst walking. I was enjoying the last drops of peace before arriving at the door of my house.

Seconds after I opened the door, I was engulfed by the arms of my little brother, Feliciano. He was only one year younger than me, but acted like an eight year old kid. He was such a spoiled child, but he was my _fratello_. So yeah, maybe I spoiled him a little bit as well. 

"Lovino," said Feliciano without taking his arms off me. Feliciano was one of those people who didn't know anything about personal space. He was always hugging people. Always. We were on opposite sides of the spectrum.

"Feliciano get off." I said pushing him. When I managed to shake his body off mine, he pouted and took my hand.

"But, fratello, I didn't see you today at school." Feliciano started to walk towards the kitchen without releasing my hand, so I had to follow him there. "I made you dinner. Your favorite pasta. How was the game? Did you win? Did you score?"

Feliciano kept talking while I grabbed a fork and started eating the spaghetti he had prepared. It was delicious like everything Feliciano cooked. That's what I thought I should say according to everyone who had tasted my brother’s dishes, but I had stopped tasting food a long time ago. I could barely remember the flavor of the pasta my mother cooked, or my dad’s Risotti. I remembered the taste of Feliciano's cuisine, but the food that was in my mouth was like ash and the memories of the sauce’s richness was lost in my mind.

"Lovino?"

My brother's voice took me out of my thoughts. He was looking at me with worried eyes, probably asking himself if he had done something wrong.  
"Sorry Feli, I'm tired. We won."

Feliciano nodded and opened his mouth to start talking again, but another deep voice interrupted him.

"Don't ignore you brother, Lovino."

The words were said in a harsh way making me frown. Grandpa was standing by the door looking at him with angry eyes.

"I wasn't ignoring him, dammit." I told him. 

"That's not what I saw." Said my grandfather approaching the chair in which Feliciano was sitting. "Why did you arrive so late?"

"Lovino had a game, Nonno. He won!" Feliciano clapped with enthusiasm, but grandpa frowned whilst looking at me.

"You are still playing silly games? I have told you to stop. You're wasting your time."

Those were the words he always said when someone mentioned me playing football. He despised the idea of me playing. He always argued that I was not s kid anymore so I should focus on more important things. 

"At least you scored?"

"No, I didn't."

"See, why continue with something that you are not good at?"

"Shut up!" I growled standing up violently. "I do it because I want to, old man."

"Don't talk to me li…."

"Fuck it. I don't care. I'm going to sleep."

"Lovino!" He screamed, but I ignored him and ran from the kitchen. I climbed the stairs two by two and closed my door. Once inside I remembered the food Feliciano made for me still warm and laying on the kitchen table. I hadn't finished eating. Well, I was not enjoying it so it didn't really matter that I left it there. Feliciano would eat it.  
I let myself fall on the bed and covered my face with my hands.

Why? Why am I alive?


	2. Simple coincidences

_Turn around. Run. Change of speed. Wait. Two at the left. Dodge one at the right. Spin. Get closer to the goal. Remember to breathe evenly. Inhale, exhale. Look at him in the eyes. Shoot. Again._

I repeated those words in my mind whilst the ball rolled between my feet. The field I was in disappeared completely and before my eyes there was a field full of faceless rivals. Each one trying to keep the ball for themselves and keep me from shooting. I could hear the soft flute and the messy electric guitar chords that the headphones in my ears emitted. My game rhythm matching each note and chord, almost as if I was dancing instead of playing football.

I'd always loved to practice like this. The music encouraged me to give my best without falling into desperation (common whenever my feet decided to be difficult). Yeah, when I was a little brat I used to make tantrums every time something went wrong, and that included football. My father was the only one I allowed to get near when that happened. He taught me everything I knew of football. Everything.

I stopped abruptly when I caught myself thinking of him. The ball rolled in the grass getting farther and farther, but I didn’t care. I removed the headphones from my ears and sighed. I couldn't afford to get distracted for the practice would start in a few minutes. I looked up, searching for the ball. My eyes fell in the goal, a few meters away from where I was. The ball was lying beside one of the goalposts, but I didn't move from where I was.

There was a guy standing there, with one foot on the ball, watching me. His clothes were jeans, a deep blue hoodie, and a red cap resting on his head. Really casual clothes for a school day. Even so, he gave me an uneasy feeling. What was he doing there? I couldn't see his face because of the distance and the damn cap that darkened his features. But I didn't know him, of that I was sure.

"Hey, what the heck are you looking at?" I spat angry. With him there I couldn't continue with my practice. I didn't like when someone was watching. The guy didn't answer and I shifted my weight from one leg to another, my irritation increasing. I decided to ignore him.

"Give me the fucking ball," I demanded wincing mentally for the rudeness transparent in my voice. The guy looked at the ball one second before locking his eyes with mine. His lipsmoved slowly whilst forming one word.

What. The. Hell.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Give me my ball, stupid thief!" I started to walk towards the guy. He just took the ball from the ground and started to step back. "You're going to regret that _imbecile_."

I heard the guy laugh before he started running with MY ball in his hands. I ran after him, but another voice made me stop and turn around.

"Hey Vargas, what are you doing here so early? Kicked out of your house?"

"Shut your mouth, Marcus. I'm not in the mood to talk to you," I spat while turning with all the intention of following that bastard that had my ball.

Marcus's hand caught my arm before I could start to run. His grip had enough force to hold me there in spite of my efforts to break away. I watched the last spot of blue from the hoodie of the guy I wanted to chase after disappear between the school buildings. Great. Now I had lost my fucking ball. No, robbed of my ball. The only one I had. Because grandpa never bought me one, or anything that I need for football actually, I had worked till I had enough money. And now, all my work went to the trash. Adding, of course, that the stupid Marcus had chosen that precise moment to appear. What timing, I must say.

"What do you want, Marcus?" I asked in a harsh tone.

"Well, well. Always so aggressive. I only wanted to talk to you," he said with a cocky smile.

"Bullshit," I responded. "Since when, bastard?"

Marcus's hand tightened around my arm. I had to suppress a little groan from the pain. Marcus smiled when he saw it. I looked around; no one was there, only Marcus and I. Shit.

"I think we have a little pending talk?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Marcus's smile faltered till it dropped. I was caught off guard when he shoved me, pulling me from the neck of my shirt, against the goalpost. I moaned from the pain in my head when it hit the post. Fuck. Marcus was angry.

"Do you remember now silly, Lovino?"

"No"

Marcus's eyes glowed with anger. He put his arm on my neck and neared my face with a frown. Every second the force he applied to the arm on my neck increased but I didn't say a thing. I knew what he wanted. He had the silly idea that I was the coach's favorite. As I said, it was a silly idea because it was obvious I wasn't. Why would I be? There were plenty of players better than me. Well, the case was that he wanted me to tell the coach he should be the one to be promoted to a stupid football club. Every year, the coach chose one of his students to present at some test in an important football club. I was not interested in that, but in Marcus's eye I was a threat.

"You have three seconds to answer, Lovino," he threatened.

"What did you do to be so worried, Marcus? Kicking the ball in the wrong direction? Proving how pathetic you are in front of the coach? Tell me."

"Come on, Lovino," he said laughing. I didn't expect that reaction. Why was he laughing? "I don't have to do the things you do."

"I don't…"

"Oh right. You kiss the damn ass of every professor that crosses your way. Ah no, excuse me, that is your stupid brother, right? He is that silly boy who is always jumping around. It would be a shame if suddenly he couldn't jump, no, Lovino?"

"Stay away from my brother, _idiota_!" I screamed trying to make him lose his grip.

"What was that, Lovino? It's pretty rude to say something in another language to someone who doesn't understand. Maybe your brother does need some punishment for having such a brother."

I started to panic. Marcus had never threatened my brother before. The thought of Feliciano being hurt because of me made me shake causing Marcus to smile. No, I couldn't allow it. I was the big brother, the one who was in charge of protecting Feliciano. I'd always done it. Even from our parents' anger or our grandfather's. I loved the stupid smile he always had and the silly things he always said. Not that I would admit it in front of him. Never. It was too embarrassing. The innocence my brother had was what made him continue to see the world as something beautiful and not the dark world I saw. I had to protect that.

"Okay," I murmured.

"I didn't hear you, Lovino," Marcus teased.

"I said okay, bastard," I told him.

"Good boy, Lovino," he said releasing me and patting my head. "Remember, what the consequence of not achieving your duty is."

I nodded in surrender. Dammit.

"Good timing, Lovino, the coach has arrived."

He was right. The coach, and the rest of the team, had arrived and were sitting on one of the benches that were beside the field. He turned to look at us and called us over with his hand. Marcus put one arm around my shoulders and forced me to walk along with him.

"Get off," I mumbled, but Marcus ignored me.

Once we were near the team, Marcus's friends and the coach eyed us as if we were two aliens. No one said anything, but I guessed they were asking themselves the same thing: why was I with Marcus when everyone knew that we hated each other?

"Okay," said the coach, "let's start."

The training was exhausting. I don't remember ever running as much as I did today. One good thing was that Marcus maintained his distance talking with his friends. Surely they were asking him about our 'friendly' interaction at the beginning. When the training finished, the coach called me over.

"Lovino, sit."

I did as I was told. Fighting with the coach was not a good idea. I had learnt that in a bad way. The memory made me shake. God, I can still remember my legs trembling and my body shaking from the cold after the extra laps of punishment.

"It's about the admission to the Royal FC," the coach started sitting beside me, "I want you to go there."

"What?" I asked surprised. Why me? I didn't want to. I just wanted to play whilst I could. Oh God, Marcus was going to be furious. I couldn't accept. "No."

"Yes, Lovino. It has to be you."

"Why me? There are a lot who want the opportunity and would do everything to be selected. There are others who are better than me!"

"No, Lovino. You are the best; there is an abysmal difference of level between you and them. Can't you see it?"

"I'm not the one who fucking scores!"

"Lovino, football is not always about who scores. You are aware of the other positions in the field, right?" The coach put one of his hands on my shoulder. I shook it off.

"No, I won't do it."

"Why not, Lovino?"

"There are others. How about Marcus? He is good. He could go."

"I won't change my decision, Lovino. Like it or not I'm going to pass your name. Not Marcus or any other teammate, understood?"

I got up angry glaring at the coach with all the hate I could demonstrate with that simple gesture. Why was he so insistent? Couldn't he see that I didn't want to?

"Even if you do that, I won't accept it!" I told him firmly before storming as far away from him as I could. Stupid coach for being so insistent, stupid Marcus for being a fucking bastard, stupid Feliciano for being so innocent and stupid me for being so weak.

I took my things from my locker at the school, and, without changing my clothes, walked out of there. I wouldn't be going home until later. All week I had avoided arriving early. I did it to piss off grandpa and to avoid Feliciano. I hadn't seen him in one week, except for a few glances in the hall between classes and in the morning before heading to school. He had come to find me at some of my classes, but I hid from him.

I hardly noticed it was raining until I was so drenched that I started to shake. Today was one of the worst days of the year. It was as if someone had arranged it. Fuck, now I had to go home, even if I didn't want to.

When I opened the door, there was no Feliciano waiting for my arrival, which was fine for he could be absolutely annoying if he was excited. The lights of the kitchen were on and I could hear the deep voice of my grandpa and the cheerful one of Feliciano. I avoided going there and climbed up the stairs. After locking my door, I let my body fall into the bed.

I was sore from the football practice, but my mind was working at full speed. I could not accept the decision of the coach. If I did, Marcus would do something to Feliciano. If I did, grandpa would only tell me it was useless, that it was unnecessary. If I did, I would only add hope to a lost cause because I was never going to be a football player. My only future was being the heir of my grandpa's company, as he wanted, as it was established since my birth.

But before losing my coincidence completely in the arms of Morpheus, I recalled the incident with my ball. That guy had taken it. I had to find him at all cost. However, I had a little problem.

Who the hell was he?

 


	3. Innocent Game

"LOVINO VARGAS! Come down right now!”

 

My grandfather's scream woke me up. I ignored the old man's loud voice and got dressed quickly. God, how I hated when they woke me like that. Couldn't they wait a little for me to wake up on my own? I put a pair of socks on while watching my bedroom's door. At any moment the old man was going to climb up the stairs smashing his feet at every step. That's a habit I copied when I was a little kiddo.

 

I entered the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I could hear the angry steps of my grandfather; I needed to hurry. I wiped my face with a towel and ran to grab my school bag. A few years ago the bag was full of notebooks, school books, and anything I needed for a normal school day. Now, it only had one or two, if lucky, notebooks and a few coins at the bottom.

 

The steps were getting closer; grandpa was at the end of the stairs. I ran to my window and opened it. When I was a kid, I chose this room because I could see the entire neighborhood from my window. Years later, I discovered other little details that made my room the perfect leak point. The secret? The climbing plant that had grown on one side of the house. My grandfather hadn't noticed. Well, maybe he did notice, but chose to ignore it thinking it was nothing. He had been proved wrong the first time I had escaped. Still, he hadn't cut down the plant. Pretty strange, but I couldn't figure out how his brain worked.

 

I climbed down using the plant and when my feet touched the ground I heard the door of my room open with a loud bang. Quickly, I jumped over the neighbor's fence and waited for the scream.

 

"LOVINO!"

 

I had to put a hand over my mouth to stop my laugh from being heard and avoid getting caught. The old man was so angry, his voice told me. Well, it was not going to be so funny after school for the meeting between us was unavoidable.

 

"Yeah, Lovino, enjoy your last day of freedom," I muttered to no one while standing up.

 

The road to school was pleasant and quiet. No one approached me and my scowling face. It was perfect until I remembered the coach's announcement.

 

_This Friday we have a friendly match against the Royal FC. Be ready kids! You will be watched._

 

Marcus's gaze was still recorded in my mind. It contained a clear message _: Don't you dare to get in my way, Lovino. You know what I can do._ Yes, Marcus's threat. It wasn't as if I was planning to make a show. I'd already told the coach I didn't want to go to that stupid club. But Marcus had the brain of a fish and was stupidly fearful. Of what, I didn't know, perhaps of himself, the idiot.

"Fuck," I murmured earning some glances from the people who were near.

 

I had started to play football because I liked it, because it was the only non-stressful thing I could enjoy. But now, that sensation had disappeared. Football was causing me more problems than my fucking normal life. The original purpose had been stained.

 

"I just have to stop playing."

 

Those words felt so strange in my lips. I had never given up whenever I wanted, really wanted, to do something, and here I was thinking of doing it. Such a pathetic person I was. I shook my head, disappointed of my own thoughts. And then, in a blurry instant I was outside the school. I just had to go to all my classes and enjoy my freedom for a while before preparing myself for the nuclear bomb that my grandfather was going to be.

 

"Lovino Vargas!"

 

I opened my eyes. That was the second fucking time in the day that someone woke me with a damn scream. What the hell with the world today?

 

"Wake up, Vargas."

 

The teacher was beside my desk watching me with angry eyes. I returned the gaze with equal amount of anger.

 

"You shouldn't be sleeping in my class, Lovino," said the teacher.

 

"Whatever," I muttered in a whisper but she heard. Luck was not with me today.

 

"I'll talk with you after the class is finished."

 

Great. Now, I was in trouble. My stupid big mouth and I made a perfect disastrous team. So, following the instructions of the teacher, when the class was over I stayed by my desk. She didn't talk immediately so I had time to prepare an excuse. I could say something about football practice and the typical 'I was really tired last night', or the 'a member of my family is sick.' No. That was not going to be useful. She had a class later with Feliciano and she could ask him. I could not risk to be discovered.

 

"Lovino."

 

I looked at the teacher hiding all my nervousness behind a poker face.

 

"What's happening, Lovino? You used to be such a good boy." The teacher looked at me expecting a response but I didn't open my mouth. For what? I knew what she was going to say next. "Your brother Feliciano has asked a lot about you. Something happened? Lovino, please talk." She sighed. "Why don't you talk with me like your brother, Lovino? It'd be easier."

 

It was pretty ironic how I always tended to protect Feliciano and ended being compared to him. Yeah, sometimes I ask myself why I do it. Feliciano was capable of surviving without my help. He could gain many friends in a record time. He had excellent notes. He had the love of the old man. All of the teachers loved him. Why should I watch over Feliciano? Because of that stupid feeling of responsibility that I had for being his older brother.

 

The teacher remained in silence. Maybe waiting for a response from my part, maybe trying to read my scowling face, maybe she was just tired. So, seeing as she didn't have the intention to talk, I decided to break the awkward silence.

 

"Yeah, it's a great advice. I should follow it," I said with a bitter smile on my lips. The teacher's eyes opened as she shook her head. "Many have given me the same advice. I think it's a great idea. Changing someone with a bad attitude for someone nice."

 

"No Lovino, I didn't…"

 

"Save your words, _signora_ , you have taught me excuses were not useful. Now, if you excuse me, I have other places to go."

 

I left the room leaving the teacher with her mouth wide open and one hand extended towards me. That hand never touched me, of course. I knew that the words I said to her were harsh, but my week had been a total disaster and my patience, usually not so big, had almost disappeared. Even so, I managed to say them in a polite way, I think.

 

_"Fratello?"_

 

I stopped immediately when I heard Feliciano’s voice behind me. I had been careless walking in the hallway without checking who was there before. Of course, my little brother saw me.

 

"Lovino, please don't run. I just want to talk with you."

 

I could hear Feliciano walking slowly towards me. My whole body screamed for me to run, but I wanted to hear what Feliciano had to tell me.

 

"Why are you avoiding grandpa? Why are you avoiding me?" Feliciano always talked sweetly, but only when he was talking to me would he drop the act and use a serious tone. "We are worried, Lovi. I haven't seen you in a whole week, even though we live in the same house. I don't know if you're eating, or sleeping well, or having problems. Lovi…"

 

"We, Feliciano?" I murmured without turning to look at him. "Since when is that old man worried about me?"

 

"He is always worried."

 

"He only worries about his fucking company." I hissed. "I don't need your worry or his. I can take care of myself. I always have."

 

"You talked with him again, didn’t you? That's why he was so angry this morning. What did he…?"

 

"Does it matter?" I asked. "It's not like you care."

 

"Lovino…"

 

"I have to go," I said cutting him off, and without waiting for an answer, I started to run. Yes, grandpa and I had talked. He surprised me one afternoon when I was returning from my football practice. Feliciano was at a friend's house, so he didn't know of the incident.

 

_"Lovino, can you explain these grades to me?"_

 

The old man had looked at me with a paper that had all my grades. Fuck. I didn't know how he got them. I never gave them to him. I had mastered the ability to fake his signature to avoid these types of confrontations.

 

_"Can you explain why they are so low?"_

 

Obviously, I couldn't tell him the truth. He would have exploded, so I just remained in silence. But that only had triggered his fury.

 

_"I let you do what you want. I let you play football and you repay me like this! What are you playing, boy? I don't want a dumb grandson."_

 

Those words had hurt, but at the same time, they gave me the strength to reply. What I didn't expect was the response from the old man. It was only one slap but it hurt like hell. Grandpa was never a man of violence so this action shocked me. I left the house that afternoon and returned almost at midnight. My revenge was breaking the sunglasses Feliciano had gifted him on his last birthday. That was the reason why he was so angry in the morning.

 

And I felt guilty because I broke something Feliciano had worked to buy. He wasn't even in the fight and I ended up affecting him. Such a nice brother he had. That's why I had been avoiding him, because I couldn't look him in the eye after what I had done.

 

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice how I ended up in the football field. But I was not the only one out there. Marcus and his friends were also in the field and they had seen me. In less than two minutes, I was surrounded by them.

 

"Hey, Lovino, it's so good to see you."

 

"Save the bullshit," I said putting my hands inside my pants' pockets. The air in the afternoons was cold because of the season and I was only wearing a thin jacket.

 

"I think you know what I want to talk about."

 

"About tomorrow's game?"

 

"You're so intelligent, Lovino."

 

Fucking Marcus and his sarcastic responses. He always did that.

 

"I'll stay low if that's what you want me to do," I mumbled trying to stop the feeling of hate I had for him. Just this once I was going to obey, just for Feliciano.

 

"Well thanks, but I was thinking of something else." Marcus put his arm over my right shoulder and squeezed it. "I think it's better if you don't show up at all."

 

Delete my last thought. Fucking Marcus.

 

"What!" I said looking at him. "You want me to miss the game? Are you nuts?"

 

Marcus grabbed my shoulder with more force while smiling.

 

"It was not a suggestion, Lovino. I think it's better for you not to show up. If you know what I mean."

 

"Fuck you, Marcus," I spat while pushing him. Wrong move, I know. Marcus immediately responded by tackling me and we both fell down. My head hit the ground and I groaned. Marcus didn't waste any time and hit my mouth with his fist. I also hit him but in the cheek and kicked him in the stomach taking his breathe away. Perfect. I got up and started to run. Fuck this; if Marcus reached me I was dead. So I ran at full speed, not even looking back to see if he had followed. But I didn't have to; I could hear his steps and his quick breaths.

 

"Lovino!" he screamed.

 

Suddenly one hand was grabbing my shoulder and pulling me towards a classroom. I screamed and tried to get away from the hand, and his owner, all along expecting a punch.

 

"Hey, calm down. _¿si?_ Get in."

 

Not even glancing to the one that was talking, he was not one of Marcus’s rooks, I accepted the proposal and followed him inside the classroom. In my flight I had run towards the nearest school building. Now, I was inside of a classroom with a stranger, sitting in the cold floor. I couldn’t relax. I could still hear the steps and curses of Marcus. It was only once the other guy talked that I started to relax.

 

"He's gone. They were after you, _amigo_?"

 

I nodded, putting my head between my folded legs. I took a couple of deep breaths before raising my head. I couldn't see the face of the boy that was standing in front of me because of the dark.

 

"Well you're lucky that I saw you," he said laughing.

 

"What's so funny, bastard?" I muttered. I got up, my heart still pounding quickly against my chest. If the day hadn't been shit, now it was official. Marcus was furious. He didn't want me in the game, but I couldn't miss it. Dammit! I kicked the wall angry hurting my foot. Stupid Marcus. He was making everything so difficult.

 

"Hey, hey, don't need to be so…."

 

"Shut up!" I yelled. The boy didn't say another word while I walked in circles trying to find a solution. How could I go to the game without being kicked in the gut by Marcus? He would wipe me off the earth if I showed up at school tomorrow. So the only solution was…"I have to skip it."

 

"Skip what?"

 

I jumped when the boy talked. I had forgotten that he was there.

 

"None of your business."

 

"You're a grumpy dude, _amigo_ ," the boy told me while sitting on one of the desks.

 

"Fuck off."

 

I opened the door and the soft light of the hallway hit my face. I checked that no one was there before opening the door a little bit more.

 

"Hey, going without saying thank you? That's mean."

 

The words of this nonchalant guy made me stop. He was right. He had saved me after all, but I was not going to thank him. In the few minutes that I had been with him, he had insulted me. I turned around to look at him over my shoulder. What a cocky bastard smiling while sitting in a fucking desk.

 

"I didn't ask for your help," I told him.

 

I didn't wait for his answer and stepped out of the classroom. Because of that, I didn't hear the sound of surprise the guy made when he saw my face, I didn't see his lips curving into a knowing smile and I didn't hear him mumbling "you". What I heard was the sound of the boy walking towards the door.

 

"Hey, the name's An…"

 

I shut the door before he could finish whatever he was saying. I just wanted to go home, lie in my bed and sleep, not chit chat with a total lunatic. The day had been really tiring and I knew that arriving home wasn't going to be all flowers and rainbows. I still had to deal with the old man, maybe a crying Feliciano, and the scolding of my life. Yeah, definitely the worst day of my life.

 


	4. An Unlucky Day

How had I ended up like this? I didn't know. I was locked in a fucking closet. I didn't want to remember why I was in this situation. It'd just make me mad again. I was just locked in here. In a fucking dark and humid closet, probably with rats, cockroaches, and thousands of insects. But I couldn't stop myself from remembering what had happened because it all had started with that stupid decision. Yeah, I had to have the great idea of skipping my damn classes. It would have been easier to go and be punched by Marcus than all the things that had happened today.

 

First, my grandfather, that filthy old man, had the great idea of waking me up earlier than I did on a normal school day. I think he thought I would be escaping again today. But no, today I'd planned to stay in bed until mid-day. And I was awake since fucking five in the morning! Five in the morning! But that was not the worst. It was HOW he did it. He emptied a fucking bucket of cold water over me. That's definitely the worst way to wake up. Then, I had to listen to him screaming at me for half an hour until he noticed that I was shaking in my pajama and too fucking cold to pay attention.

 

Next was the shower. As I was freezing, I turned on only the hot water. Bad idea though, because in the instant I put my body under the water it burned my skin. I jumped, slipped and fell. Now I had a bump at the back of my head where I hit the wall. My head had hurt all day because of that stupid accident.

 

After that, it was the breakfast. It was all okay, until Feliciano noticed the broken glasses in the kitchen table. The old man, not satisfied with waking me up and causing my stupid accident, told my _fratello_ why they were like that. Feliciano looked at me with big eyes full of surprise and hurt and started to cry like a fucking baby. And he cried and cried and cried until we arrived to the bus stop. I couldn't stand it for more time so I ran far away from there, leaving my crying brother at the stop.

 

Afterwards, I went to a library, not for reading of course. I wanted to sleep since I hadn't been able to because of my grandfather. So, I went to the farthest corner in the library and sat in a puffy armchair and fell asleep. The next thing I remember was a girl shaking my shoulder to wake me up. She was nice to me considering that I was sleeping and had no book near me as an excuse. She just laughed and told me that a lot of people did the same. The library was nice, comfortable and quiet. It was a good place to return on another occasion.

 

Okay, I accept it. Not everything in this day went wrong. The library was okay, but only the library, because then I came to school. After all, classes had ended and I was sure no one would be in the hallway because of the game. Well, I was wrong.

 

Marcus and his friends were waiting for me in front of my locker where my football things were. They saw me and I tried to run, but they'd surrounded me already. Next thing I knew, I was inside of this fucking closet unable to get out.

 

Wonderful, isn´t it?

 

I'd banged and kicked the door with no results. I'd screamed and apparently no one heard. So, I was stuck in here. After what felt like hours, I'd given up. Funny, I am doing that a lot lately. I was sitting on the dirty floor, watching the little light that managed to pass under the door and trying to guess the reaction of the coach at my absence. Well, one good thing was that he wouldn't have any doubt that my words about his request were real.

 

_He was going to be disappointed._

 

I shook my head trying to erase the thought. I didn't care if the coach was disappointed or not. Why would I? He had more than twelve players, apart from me, to use in the game. I was not needed.

 

_But dammit! I wanted to go!_

 

I kicked the door frustrated. I felt so helpless.

 

"Hey, someone there?"

 

The voice made me stand up in a second.

 

"Yes!"

 

"Why…?"

 

"Open the damn door!"

 

The door opened seconds after I had yelled and, finally, I could look at the face of my savior. He was the janitor, a surprised janitor, in fact. God bless the janitors.

 

"I guess I should say thanks," I murmured not being sure if he heard.

 

"Yeah."

 

I didn't wait for another second and started to run towards my locker to get my football things. I changed my clothes right there, screw modesty, and ran to the football field. I think it’s the fastest I have ever run in my life. When I got near the field, I could hear the screams, the whistle of the referee and the angry shouts of the coach.

 

I approached the benches where my teammates and the coach were. My heart was beating quickly knowing that the coach was going to be mad. The first ones to see me were my teammates. Their eyes went from hopeless to shiny in an instant. Then the coach turned. When our eyes met I swear I saw how he sighed with relief. What the hell? Was the game that bad? I turned to look at the score and my eyes widened. 3-0. We were losing, and the first half was not over yet!

 

"What the…?"

 

"Lovino! Where were you?" The coach yelled with an angry tone, even though the expression in this face was of relief. "Warm up right now and get ready, lazy boy!"

 

I nodded and did as I was told.

 

"Lovino to the field!" The coach screamed after a loud whistle form the referee indicating the change.

 

I nodded again and ran to the field. I was received with the furious gaze of Marcus. I could guess he wanted to kill me right there, but didn't because he would have witnesses. I approached him slowly preparing my words.

 

"Marcus, let's just try to win the game. I swear, I'll pass everything to you. I won't do a thing," I proposed.

 

"Fuck off, Vargas. I don't need your help."

 

As he passed me, his shoulder hit mine making me take a step back. No one seemed to notice this little exchange. I sighed, knowing that after the game I was dead meat. The referee's whistle sounded again and the game continued.

 

Okay, I must admit that these guys from FC Royal were good. They weren't like our team, a group of disorganized and egoistic players, but a real team that supported each other in a really organized way. I could see why we were losing. But there was no way in hell I'd allow this team to lose with such a great difference. After all, my own pride was at stake.

 

Stealing the ball from the other team was easy, now the difficult part would be reaching the goal. Marcus ran besides me, another one of my team ran to my left. I was about to pass the ball to the guy who was nearer the goal, when Marcus pushed me and stole the ball from my feet.

 

"What are you doing, Marcus?" I screamed, but he ignored me and shot. Obviously, the goalkeeper stopped the ball. I wanted to punch Marcus in the face so much, but after some deep breaths I reconsidered. The next ten minutes were the most stressful, difficult, and frustrating of my life. I know, it's really easy to make me angry, but right then I was three levels over my normal anger-like state. And I was not the only one. I could see the coach's frustration and hear it. His screams could be heard from my house. The other members of the team were also glaring at Marcus. And Marcus only smirked. In the last ten minutes, he had been keeping the ball from reaching me with all his might. He pushed me, ignored me, and stole the ball from me. We couldn't even score one point because of that!

 

The whistle that indicated the end of the first half sounded. The moment I heard it, I walked directly towards Marcus. Fuck the rules, I was pissed.

 

"Marcus!" I screamed.

 

He ignored me and walked to our goal. I followed him. It wasn't until we reached the first pole that he turned with a smirk in his lips. That made me uneasy. Why was he smiling? He was fucking sick.

 

"Vargas, I told you not to come. Why are you here?"

 

"I told you I wouldn't obey you, scum," I said.

 

Immediately he grabbed the neck of my shirt and pulled until our faces were close enough for me to feel his breath hitting my skin.

 

"Don't you care about your brother? The poor little guy is so weak."

 

It was my turn to grab his shirt.

 

"You touch one single hair on Feliciano's head and …."

 

Before I could finish the coach was between us. One hand on each of our chests and a dangerous frown in his face; it was almost as if a bear was growling at us. He was really strong, because he easily pushed us apart.

 

"He started it," Marcus said.

 

"Silence, Marcus, because we all know who started it," The coach said surprising us. "You're expelled from the team, Marcus."

 

Even I was surprised with the words of the coach. Expelled? I'd never heard of someone that was expelled from the team. Well, of course, not everyone was Marcus. Wait, if Marcus was expelled because of this, then my life in school was going to be ten times worse.

 

"No."

 

The coach and Marcus turned to look at me when I talked. Fuck, I was doing this for myself, not to save Marcus's sorry ass.

 

"It was not a question, Vargas."

 

"Don't do it. Marcus is a necessary player in the team."

 

"Do you want to follow him, Vargas?"

 

What? Of course not, but I had no option. Stupid coach.

 

"Don't expel him," I repeated.

 

"Fine, consider this the last game for you two. I'll not tolerate aggressive and egoistic behavior in my team."

 

He released us and walked to the benches. Expelled. I was expelled. My only dream crushed with a few words. I realized that even when I tried not to, I still had hope, but now it was all gone. I looked to the sky when the familiar numb feeling started to fill me. Great. Feliciano had to fucking start practicing a martial art because it was the last time I was doing something for him. And the last time I'd get involved with something I liked. After all, it always ended in a disaster. Always.

 

I turned, showing my back to Marcus, and waited. I didn't care if he hit or punched me. I didn't care, but Marcus didn't move. I guess he was too shocked with the news to do something. So, I started to walk towards the benches and sat down in the grass next to them.

 

Why did I even bother to come? I could have stayed in that dirty closet until the end of the game. I sat there until the second half was about to begin.

 

"Vargas to the field." The coach ordered with a cold voice. I stood up and walked to the field. Marcus was not called. I guess the coach was still angry because of his behavior in the first half.

 

One last game. I could consider it the last time I would have this kind of freedom. The moment the old man heard that I was expelled from the team, I will be officially dead. It would be the final blow to his patience.

 

The rest of the game was as if I was in autopilot. I ran, I kicked the ball and I played against the other team, but I was not there. We lost. Even so, FC Royal was not able to score another point. Should I have celebrated? No. I was not part of the team anymore. So, when the whistle of the end of the game sounded, I stared at the sky feeling numb. Subconsciously, I walked to the back of the bleachers where no one could see me. I wanted to be alone and sulk alone.

 

I received the punch when I least expected it. It was directed to my eye and it hurt like hell after the fist made impact.

 

"Thought you were saved, Vargas? You reached the limit and you are going to pay for it."

 

I only smiled bitterly waiting for the next blow. Marcus grabbed me from the neck of my shirt and bended down to face me.

 

"You're so disgusting, Lovino Vargas," Marcus said into my ear. The next blow was directed towards my stomach so I could barely breathe. "You can't even defend yourself, how can you defend your brother? Pathetic." Another punch in the stomach. "Maybe that's why your moth…."

 

My eyes widened. Was he really talking about that? I wanted to hear Marcus's words so much, but he was interrupted.

 

"Hey, stop!"

 

Someone grabbed me and pulled me away from Marcus. I guess he wasn't alone because Marcus chose to run instead of ignoring the order. I sighed frustrated. I couldn't hear what Marcus wanted to say.

 

"Hey, you okay, _amigo_?"

 

No, please tell me it's not…

 

"Do you remember me? I saved you the other day! That’s twice now."

 

That happy tone and the use of strange words. It was the guy that had pulled me into a classroom yesterday.

 

" _Oye…"_

 

"Shut up," I muttered as I laid down in the grass with my eyes closed. Now that I was lying in the grass I could feel the effect of Marcus' punches. My stomach hurt like hell. I started to cough. Even so, I knew it was nothing serious or I'd be coughing blood.

 

"We need to check those wounds, Lovino. _¿Te duelen mucho?"_

 

How did he know my name? I tried to ask that but I only could spit a weak "what?"

 

He laughed.

 

" _Lo siento._ I tend to speak in Spanish when I'm nervous. Do the wounds hurt?"

 

"Why would you be nervous? You're not the one injured. Strange bastard."

 

"Come on, Lovi! You're injured, that's reason enough."

 

"Don't call me that! Why do you know my name? Why are you here? Why the hell do you care?"

 

"Well, after all, you're the new integrant of my team. I'm happy!" he chuckled.

 

What? I opened my eyes. Two shiny green orbs were above my face watching me carefully. I jumped, scared by the short distance between me and the strange boy. By a miracle I didn't hit his nose.

 

"What are you talking about? I'm not in anyone's team."

 

"Of course you're!"

 

"Enlighten me, oh marvelous genius, to what team do I supposedly belong?"

 

The two green emeralds looked at me in a funny way.

 

"To the best team _por supuesto_ , FC Royal."

 

What?

* * *

 

**Translations**

 

_**Spanish** _

_Amigo_   friend

 _Oye_     Hey

 _¿Te duele mucho?_     Does it hurt?

 _Lo siento_     I am sorry

 _Por supuesto_ Of course


End file.
